Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
