The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
