I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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