Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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