Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
