i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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