Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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