I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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