You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
