Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
