Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
