let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
