Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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