I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
