I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
