how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
