fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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