If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
