He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
