i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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