I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
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totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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