He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
smell my finger.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
