I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm passing your future prison.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
