Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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