Do you still have your period?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
