So drunk its hurt
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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