You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
