how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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