That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
