so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize