we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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