he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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