hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
