This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
