So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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