ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
