Nicole vs. Life
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
