he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
