my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
