i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
