So drunk, too bad you don't want this
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
