Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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