Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
