Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
