im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
