Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Randomize
