saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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