can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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