So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
