New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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