We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
