I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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