I want to have your abortion
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
