I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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