Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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