i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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