If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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