Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
