I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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