Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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