Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
