Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
