Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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