That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
