Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
