I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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