I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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