i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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