At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
