TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
