I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
