Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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