and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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