the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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