two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
